Our Orientation Isn’t Click Bait
It’s 23 years into the 21st Century and what was the first thing I woke up to back in January? Multiple of my Bi+ guy friends sent me links to or Story shares of an unbelievably tone deaf social media post by a mental health professional that led off with pure biphobic click-bait as the graphic. I would post a screenshot here, but, number one, it’s against the rules, and number two, the post was deleted by the author the next day. Don’t worry, I’m not going to name the person.
Let me be honest right up front. I’m struggling with writing this. I’ve written a full draft that I’ve scrapped and then did a complete rewrite. It’s been months now and I’ll probably scrap this too. Anyway, along the way there were several diatribes I never sent that were meant for social media as well. I’ve tried to remove a lot of the anger, but it’s leaking through and, frankly, I don’t want all of it gone. So, I’m compromised. I’m hurt. I feel betrayed. I’m really, really angry, so heads up.
The professional I’m writing about, I’m sure, intended the original post be a conversation starter about tropes about Bi+ men; how they’re not true and are harmful to individuals and community alike. That’s admirable and he deserves to have that stated. Part of that I’m reading in though, as he didn’t actually state all of it. I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt. As we all know, however, intention isn’t what counts, the results are what count.
The result is that a large segment of Bi+ men have lived and are living trauma at the hands of gay individuals, the Gay community, and the tropes so commonly employed by them and straight people as a weapon against us. (RESULT) So, this isn’t JUST about this one instance of hurt, as much as the Health Professional would seem to think. No, it’s yet another White gay man, and White man in a position of authority, using a trope, who’s supposed to know better (RESULT), and when he’s confronted about it by a traumatized Black Bi+ man, friend of mine, the White gay therapist/expert doesn’t address the hurt and behavior of White gay men or their community toward Blacks or Bi+ men, or his own triggering behavior so far to deescalate the situation. Instead, he sidesteps and refuses to engage on it with anyone. (RESULT) Then, when one of us tries to say how they personally and many of us also experience our orientation, the gay Expert corrects him and utterly dismisses and negates, by virtue of his academic title and expert status, our community’s long history of full embrace of fluidity the Bi+ commenter just appealed to. (RESULT) On top of this, the men involved, and many of us just reading the exchange, were already familiar with this professional’s views on sexuality that are pretty controversial regarding Bi+ men and not at all popular in our community. (RESULT) The Black Bi+ man has had enough of a White gay man gaysplaining bisexuality to Bi+ men and refusing to acknowledge and apologize for the behaviors displayed and tells him so, to the point of saying he’d make it his mission to expose this man for what he believes he’s proven himself to be by his behavior (RESULT). The White gay male mental health professional feels threatened by the traumatized and now righteously angry Black Bi+ man and blocks him (RESULT), deletes the post the next day and then posts a video telling his, 10K mainly White gay, followers he’s heard their words to remove it and would do so at their urging, but then also that he’d been bullied over the original post as well and how he wouldn’t stand for it. He then sits by and says nothing as the loyalists pile on and cast aspersions on all who posted concerns or their honest feelings. (RESULT)
Not a good look and hardly professional at all in my book.
Once again, my Black Bi+ siblings are right and right on target.
Intent counts for nothing. Results are everything.